Context: I began writing this on Monday, March 30, 2020. My kids’ last day at school in person was Friday, March 13, 2020. Our school went on Spring Break March 16-20. Due to Covid-19, in-person school wasn’t an option for the rest of the 2019-2020 school year. For the 2020-2021 school year my kids did school virtually. Thanks to the timeless work of grief and the continuing stresses of those two years, this essay still resonates for me.Note: At this time Grasshopper was using the Medtronic 670g and Dexcom. Since that time he has used the Medtronic 770g and Medtronic Guardian sensor and currently uses the T-Slim Tandem with Dexcom G6.
Today my grief is an empty crushed cardboard pizza box. I feel used up, discarded, smashed. Left in the bottom of the can. Greasy, worthless. Littered with crumbs and soggy sauce smears. Where can I leave this grief? How about guilt? Into which bin do I toss my selfishness? I want to throw it all away. I want to be rid of these jagged, used up emotions that tire my mind, and pray that something good can be made out of the clutter. By someone else. I don’t want to do the work of it, I just want to be rid of it all. Grief is work. Sigh.
In the midst of global troubles, my family is trying to manage the daily routines of type 1 diabetes. We had an incident which brought into sharp focus how much work T1D life is.
In the space of about 20 minutes on Tuesday evening, the following happened:
I dosed Grasshopper for a 40 gram weight piece of cinnamon roll for dessert. That is a sliver of a roll, not a whole one. It was a 20 gram carb treat. I sent him to put on his pjs so the insulin could have a little time to work.
He walked out a few minutes later holding his insulin infusion site… that was supposed to be attached to his body. I tried to hide my instant anxiety. When did it come off? Did it come off before his 24 gram carb dinner? Did he get any insulin for dinner? Did it come off after dinner but before I dosed for the cinnamon roll slice? Did he get any insulin for that??? Continue reading →
Summer is almost over (officially) for us, and I have been taking notes and pictures all season long. But let’s get real. We live in Alabama and it will be hot through October! So these tips and products are relevant for us most of the year. Continue reading →
There is a group on Facebook to which another mom of a child with type 1 diabetes added me shortly after Grasshopper was diagnosed 4 years ago this year. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would regularly ask the advice of 10,477 people on the internet of whom I only personally know about 7, I would have thought you were nuts. Continue reading →
At our neighborhood Halloween party I shared with a friend that I had just checked Grasshopper’s blood sugar and it was 41, VERY LOW. He had been jumping on a bounce house and the exercise had quickly brought his blood sugar down. She kindly asked some questions about how I knew to check and I described to her the Dexcom data and why I had checked right then. She asked, “How are you not on edge every day?” I answered, “I am.” Continue reading →
It is after midnight on September 19. The smell of insulin in my kitchen means that I’m getting another cartridge ready for Grasshopper’s insulin pump. It smells like hospitals. Like Band-Aids. To me it smells like life for my 5 year old son. Continue reading →