Is Grief Recyclable?

by Erin Turnham

Context: I began writing this on Monday, March 30, 2020. My kids’ last day at school in person was Friday, March 13, 2020. Our school went on Spring Break March 16-20. Due to Covid-19, in-person school wasn’t an option for the rest of the 2019-2020 school year. For the 2020-2021 school year my kids did school virtually. Thanks to the timeless work of grief and the continuing stresses of those two years, this essay still resonates for me. Note: At this time Grasshopper was using the Medtronic 670g and Dexcom. Since that time he has used the Medtronic 770g and Medtronic Guardian sensor and currently uses the T-Slim Tandem with Dexcom G6.

Today my grief is an empty crushed cardboard pizza box. I feel used up, discarded, smashed. Left in the bottom of the can. Greasy, worthless. Littered with crumbs and soggy sauce smears. Where can I leave this grief? How about guilt? Into which bin do I toss my selfishness? I want to throw it all away. I want to be rid of these jagged, used up emotions that tire my mind, and pray that something good can be made out of the clutter. By someone else. I don’t want to do the work of it, I just want to be rid of it all. Grief is work. Sigh.

In the midst of global troubles, my family is trying to manage the daily routines of type 1 diabetes. We had an incident which brought into sharp focus how much work T1D life is.

7 Tips : What To Do When… Your Child Says, “Mama, Look At THAT Kid!”

 

In the foreground a child’s finger points to a young boy, blurred, in the background. The boy crouches on the grass next to a large flowerpot. His posture is slouching and pouty. His arms rest on the flowerpot rim. A toy yellow tractor rests on the grass.

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Nothing quite strikes fear in my heart like my child pointing at another person and saying loudly, “Look, Mama!” Children are naturally curious, and without the social filters we acquire as we age.

A neighbor asked me how to broach the subject with M, her 3 year old daughter. Grasshopper and Sunshine were out playing with M, and Grasshopper had to stop to check his blood sugar. Their friend was obviously curious and while she didn’t ask any questions, her mom wondered how to address it. I was grateful my neighbor reached out.

Summer Camp Part 7 : Friday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Friday, June 14, 2019

Home Again

Time to go get my boy from his summer camp adventure! Sunshine and I are ready for the trip. I’ve got my coffee. She has a notebook and crayons. Let’s go!

Summer Camp Part 6 : Thursday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Bright Sun-shiny Day

Today we had just Sunshine at home. Tomorrow we’ll pick up Grasshopper. Sunshine and I made toast and scrambled eggs together. She helped crack the eggs.

Summer Camp Part 5 : Wednesday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Wednesday, June 12, 2109

Working Breakfast

Mr. Mister had to work on our last day at the beach but thankfully he is able to work remotely. We had another day near the beach if not physically on it. I walked to get breakfast from Gypsea Crepes again and this time I remembered to take a photo before gobbling it up.

Summer Camp Part 4 : Tuesday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Beach Bums

Mr. Mister and I woke up late. I wanted to try breakfast at a place new to us and he obliged. We made our way to Gypsea Crepes just before they stopped serving breakfast. I loved everything about it!!

Summer Camp 2019 Part 3 : Monday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Monday, June 10, 2019

Relief

Then an avalanche of guilt because I feel relieved. Alarm free sleep. Anxiety free sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. Just sleep.

Summer Camp 2019 Part 2 : Sunday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Sunday, June 9, 2019

Medical alert screensaver credit to T1D Club. Click photo for link.

 

Countdown : Part 2 of 7

I woke up to Grasshopper’s face half an inch from my own.

Summer Camp 2019 Part 1 : Saturday

By Erin Schovel Turnham

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Wild & Free : Part 1 of 7

I’m trying not to hyperventilate. Tomorrow we drop Grasshopper off at a week long summer camp for the first time away from both of us. Ever.

Positive Change Talk at Auburn University

“Why did you forget your diabetes supplies??”

“You should check your blood sugar more often.”

“It is SO important for you to take your insulin on time because if you don’t you could go into a coma!”

by Erin

I spent my Saturday morning as a participant in a research study conducted by Dr. Jan Kavookjian at the Harrison School of Pharmacy, Auburn University. The purpose of the study, per Dr. Kavookjian’s materials, is to “gather parent perceptions about what it is like to communicate with a child or teen who has type 1 or 2 diabetes.”

As parents and caregivers we want to FIX IT. Both the big things we know we can’t fix (our kids are stuck with T1D until there is a cure) and the smaller things (my kid won’t bring along the needed supplies).