My kids have been fascinated with the painted rock trend that has taken over our neighborhood. Some sweet neighbors painted rocks and hid them. On a trip to the playground, Grasshopper found a rock with a football on it and and Sunshine found one with a heart. On another trip to our town center, Grasshopper found a purple rock with the words “Kindness Rocks! Spread the Word!” They were so excited to find these and to learn that they could pick a new hiding place for someone else to enjoy the surprise. They immediately wanted to paint some of their own to hide, so trips to the playground and walks around the block have become rock hunting expeditions. It was fascinating to watch them both paint. Grasshopper chose Holiday Red and meticulously painted a dozen small rocks, really just grey crushed stone gravel. Sunshine chose a smooth stone the size of her two year old fist and first painted it Holiday Red but soon washed it off and repainted it several times in different mixtures of purple, teal, and pink. The end result was pretty!
I painted a few along with them.
I used to take for granted that I would have another day on this earth with my family and friends. My father’s sudden death in 2004 and Grasshopper’s diagnosis of type 1 diabetes in 2013 has changed my perspective. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, or even the next minute. Our families, children… no one is guaranteed the next minute. Lives can and do change in an instant. If this seems like a dark thought in a post about silver linings, it is. Fear, death, anxiety, and depression are the clouds on my horizon. Sometimes it seems they obscure my entire sky. But there is light behind the clouds. I can spend my days wishing that these things never happened but it won’t change the fact that this is my family’s reality now. So instead of looking at my clouds, I choose to focus on the silver lining behind my clouds. Sometimes I have to squint and turn my head sideways to find it, but it is there. Sometimes family and friends point it out to me, for which I am grateful. For the moment, these are some of my silver linings.
- I woke up today. I have been given another day on this earth with my family and friends.
- I choose to be present to them.
- In spite of a series of low blood sugar episodes from 3am-6am today of which Mr. Mister and I were unaware (thanks to the volume somehow being turned down on Grasshopper’s Dexcom alarm which warns us of lows) Grasshopper is unharmed and happily enjoying kindergarten like any other 5 year old.
- I might not have met but certainly wouldn’t have become as close with Alese.
- I have found literally thousands of people in online T1D support groups who are willing to share of themselves with total strangers because of our shared experiences. It is a constant reminder to me that I am not alone.
- Grasshopper has learned patience (and so have I) beyond his 5 years of life.
- He has an early familiarity with numbers that I hope will help him in his future.
- Every time I change Grasshopper’s insulin infusion site or Dexcom sensor, both at home procedures that involve poking needles into him, I witness his bravery and strength. He braces himself, takes a deep breath and says, “Ready, set, GO.”
- Whenever we change sites or Dexcom sensors, Sunshine helps out her big brother by holding him under his arms. Their bond and love for each is beautiful to see. They both rejoice in the reward of one single Nerd afterwards!
My clouds are still there but I’m seeing a lot more silver linings these days. You are not alone. Pass it on.
What are your clouds? What are your silver linings?